Challenging the Mindset of Deserving

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Welcome to the Balance Code Podcast , a place where you have permission to step outside the hamster wheel of day-to-day life and learn tools to create more balance . My name is Katie Russell . I'm a licensed therapist and burnout and hidden grief specialist . I support ambitious , goal-driven people who are ready to get off the one-way train , to burnout and start to enjoy life again to the fullest . Oh and , by the way , I'm a mom of three , an ex-pat living in Germany who's still learning the language , and an entrepreneur Living . My Balance Code is what keeps me able to work in incredible ways without burning out . So let's find your Balance Code . Welcome back to the Balance Code Podcast . Thank you so much for listening .

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My name is Katie Russell and , for those of you who do not know me , for the last 15 years I've been working in the world of therapy and psychology and mind-body connection , helping people to build their resiliency again as they face life's challenges . Through that , I've specialized in things like hidden grief and burnout and stress management , and that is why this podcast is here . So today I want to talk with you about the mindset that is keeping us struggling with money , struggling with our health and really killing our happiness . It's a mindset I've had to challenge myself on for the last several years , as I became more and more aware of its prevalence in my life and I notice it in my clients' lives , my friends . It is a mindset that I truly believe we are conditioned to have . Okay , so what is this mindset that is stealing our joy , that is taking our ability to be healthy in this world , that is taking our ability to be smart with money and also adding stress and throwing off our balance ? This might come as a surprise , so take a deep breath . Here we go . The mindset is I deserve this . Okay , what do I mean by this ? Because we all know this mindset . Like I had a bad day , I deserve this . I just went through a really challenging experience . I deserve this . Life has just been so awful lately . I just really deserve this . So let me share with you my own journey with this phrase and mentality .

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I grew up in a family where I heard this . Whether my parents meant to condition me with it or not , it was very prevalent If you had a difficult week at work , then you deserve whatever it is that weekend , right , having a horrible day ? Go get takeout with your favorite food , experiencing some life challenges . Go buy that thing that makes you happy . That was a part of my family's life , and not to their fault . This is the conditioning of the culture that I grew up in . But as that mentality continued to grow in me as I got older , it was so easy to justify to myself why I deserved certain things , why I deserved even though I had student loans and had a low income job starting out after my master's program . Like I give back . I deserve this . I counsel families all day . I deserve this . I'm going through a breakup . I deserve this .

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It was always about any time I wanted to purchase something that felt a little bit outside of the normal comfort zone of like , oh I can , yeah , let me go grab this at the grocery store . It was well , I deserve this . That is how I would justify things to myself . Well , enter in my wonderful husband , whom I love very much I know you're listening and he came from a very different cultural background . Now , that's not to say in his culture that this mentality doesn't exist , because it does , but the area that he grew up in within his country and the cultural context that he was in meant that he had a different mentality around quote , what you deserve around money and food and worthiness of having things Okay .

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So I Katie , coming from a culture that is very debt-friendly , let's say unhealthy in many ways , we just give ourselves what we want because it's instant gratification , and I do believe this has gotten worse with the internet and cell phones , and don't blame technology . But I want to say that there are always consequences to new things , that there's always consequences to any . But one of the consequences in my culture from the United States is that debt is normal and you got to live in the moment . Yolo , right , you only live once . I mean gosh , any culture that has that as the like . Basically , their tagline is just asking to be super unhealthy , totally in debt and truly their happiness just completely knocked out . So I digress back to it .

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So I come from this culture of that and I did not fully understand . That was a mentality I had until being with my husband and then us living in his home country in Germany . It became a challenge when we would sit down and I would be like , oh , I want to buy this , and he would ask questions about it why , what would it be for ? What do you , you know ? Will you use it Like ? What's the purpose ? What's its functionality ? Great questions , but I didn't like being asked questions because I just want what I want and I deserve it . We moved to a different country and I am pregnant . I deserve this . I can laugh now . I was not laughing then , so it was very challenging back then . It continues to be as I work on realizing I have this mentality of deserving things . When I've had challenging times or I've done a great job , I deserve to buy things , to have certain foods or drinks that are only instant gratification , not long term . This is going to make me healthier . Like I , I get it . I get to have what I want , and what I find is the more times I give into that that voice of I deserve this the more unhappy I am in the long term because it isn't making me feel better beyond a short amount of time . So here's how it's playing out right now in my life , because it is a huge challenge .

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Right now , I'm going through a big change in my health journey . I'm being really mindful of what I'm eating . I started to have some health issues that made it very clear I needed . I needed to wake up . I needed to pay attention and you might . If you know me , you're like well , you're slim , what are you talking about ? You look super healthy . That doesn't mean anything . So I was having some health issues . That made it very clear I needed to be careful what food I was putting in my body , what I was drinking , how I'm taking care of my body , how much I'm exercising or not exercising right , like all of the things how much I'm resting , and I hit a point where I really need to take away a lot of foods out of my normal repertoire of things that I eat so that I could get my system back to a baseline .

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And if any of you have done a detox or had to manage a lot of food intolerances and remove a whole lot , it is not fun and the meanest voices come out inside of you . During that time you will say things to yourself about this isn't worth it , or just this one , or just a spoonful , or you've had such a bad week Like you really just deserve to have this . This one time you will negotiate and when you don't break and don't give in , the voice gets worse until it goes away , and I truly believe it is the unhealthy parts of our body and our brain that just really desires to get its fix the addiction . Well , I've been going long enough now that I'm like I'm doing really well . I've said no to a lot of occasions where there were certain foods or drinks and it is not easy . It is absolutely not easy . Many of you know I've had to return back to the States , do it to a death in our family .

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Well , being back in the States , I am amongst my culture , the culture of after about five to seven minutes of a TV show , there are like six or seven commercials on food , things to buy health issues that you need medicine for , and it's crazy because it's just being fed into your mind constantly . You deserve , you deserve , you deserve . I go to Target , I walk through and I'm like I want that , I want that , I want that , I deserve it . And even if I'm not actively thinking , I deserve it . And you might be going like well , I don't think that way . I bet if you stopped and said , why do I need this ? I already have something like it ? What would be its purpose ? Kind of like my husband did and still does there would be a voice at some point that would go because you can have it , because you have the money , because you deserve it , and that's the voice I want you to start to question .

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It is a very slippery slope because it bases our worth on what we do , what we've gone through , what challenges we faced . Think about that . I deserve means that I get to have , I get to experience because , in whatever it is , you're telling yourself I'm going through a breakup , I've had a really difficult week , the month has been challenging , or the opposite oh , we've done such a great job saving up , so now we can splurge on this . I worked so hard to pass that course in my studies . I got that promotion , whatever , right Like it's , either I deserve because it's been a horrible day and horrible week and bad things are happening , or I deserve because I've worked so hard in here . It's like our equivalent to giving ourselves a trophy or a gold star . That's how I think of it . But what it ends up doing is creating this mentality around we get to have things just because of what we're going through .

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I don't like that mentality . I have a core belief that we all deserve just because we are . We don't have to earn it . I wouldn't say to my two-year-old oh , I'm sorry , you're not enough , you didn't do enough , you didn't say enough , you were not enough , so you don't deserve , you don't get to have . Now if she says , well , I want ice cream and it's 10 o'clock in the morning , that's a no . That's not about deserving , it's about her health and what makes sense in the morning and knowing what a sugar rush does to a two-year-old .

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So boundaries are not saying you don't deserve something , boundaries are the long-term mentality of the marathon mindset . Hey , does this make sense in the long term of what I want , desire for my life ? Does this make sense in the long term of what I want for my finances , for my health , for my happiness ? And is this short-term gratification actually worth it ? Now we are all going to have those days where we tell ourselves I deserve this , I get to have this drink because I deserve it , and then it becomes the next drink and another or that meal , and then the dessert , and then we're feeling sick afterwards , right , like there's a point where we realize always saying yes to the I deserve can be damaging . I would hope that you could get to a place where you'd have the mindset of I always deserve . I know I always deserve , but my long game goal is XYZ and I realize giving into this right now doesn't get me there . It only makes me feel better in the moment and , honestly , the dopamine hits probably not even worth it .

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I am surrounded by the food I grew up with , that I love the sweets that . I love the stores that I adore and miss when I'm back in Germany and I've had to say no to myself and I've had to remind myself of the reasons why and the long game that I'm playing , because that's what matters more . And there will be slip-ups , because they will happen , they always happen . And that doesn't mean I have failed , I'm not progressing , I'm not taking care of my health . It's just a reminder . I'm human , we are all human . We are all going to have those slip-ups . But a slip-up doesn't mean you started ground zero .

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A slip-up is a reminder of oh okay , let me tighten up these boundaries and let me work on reminding myself I'm worthy all the time , but I don't have to always buy what I want or always eat what I want or always drink what I want , just because I'm actually trying to cope with something that feels empty inside of me . That's often what we're doing right . We've had a challenging week , we've had a challenging year . We just want that hit , that feel good , in that moment to numb out everything else , to escape it all . And I get it . I so get it , guys , and I'm here to tell you because I've been down that pathway too many times , it steals your happiness in the long run , it impacts your health , it impacts your finances . It's not actually worth it . So this is just food for thought as you contemplate the journey that you're on and what the marathon looks like for you . What are the goals that you have long term , what are the things you desire , and how is this mentality of I deserve it Blocking you from actually achieving those goals ? I don't know about you , but what I actually deserve is a good , healthy , wealthy life , and I can be a big part of creating that , and I can also be a big part of destroying that .

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Okay , before we wrap up , I want to share with you a review . The podcast received says Katie , thank you so much for helping me to get my balance back . Each week by listening to your podcast , this is my time . I start to see me as I am and not as I have or should be . I refocus on what is good for me . You are amazing and an inspiration . Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and knowledge . Best wishes , sandy .

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Sandy , thank you so much for this review and I'm so , so grateful that you are finding this podcast as part of your time To create balance in your life and take care of you . Not the I have to , not think I should , I'm supposed to , but what you really want to do for yourself , because that's the ultimate goal , is to take care of ourselves based off of what we Truly desire . Not from a place of scarcity or lack , not from a place of what we're supposed to do because of so and so said . We were or we're gonna disappoint someone else , but true alignment of these are my goals , here are my desires . This is how I desire to live my life so beautiful , thank you . Thank you , sandy .

Leaving Reviews for the Podcast

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If you would like to leave a review for the podcast , please do so on your favorite podcast platform or you can go to the episode page . Katie Russell calm backslash episode . Whatever number is your favorite hopefully all of them and Leave your review there . Thank you again for listening today and here's to finding our balance code . Thank you so much for listening to today's episode . If you have a moment , please leave a rating or review so that others can find this podcast who are looking for support , just like you . Let's connect on Instagram at Katie dot wrestler or at Balance code podcast , or check down in the show notes to find ways that we can work together and see other offerings that I have for you At this time and , as always , here's to finding our balance code , oh you .