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Relationship Reset: Reignite, Reconnect, Rebuild
Feeling stuck in your relationship after years together? Relationship Reset is your go-to podcast for busy, high-achieving couples ready to break free from autopilot and rebuild a thriving partnership. Join relationship expert Katie Rössler, LPC for practical tools, real-life stories, and actionable advice to reignite passion, rebuild trust, and reconnect on a deeper level. Whether you’re navigating communication breakdowns, struggling with intimacy, or just feel disconnected, this podcast is here to help you transform your relationship—and create the love you’ve always envisioned.
Perfect for couples who want to reignite their spark and reconnect with purpose. It’s never too late to hit reset.
Relationship Reset: Reignite, Reconnect, Rebuild
Breaking the Habit of Busyness
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In this episode, we dive deep into the fascinating topic of why it's so challenging to break the habit of busyness. Listen as we explore the addictive cycle of busyness, the allure of the adrenaline rush, and the fear of empty spaces on our calendar that keeps us hooked.
Key Takeaways:
- The habit of busyness often stems from our desire for accomplishment and the need to feel productive.
- Empty space in our calendar can be uncomfortable, leading us to fill it with more tasks or distractions.
- The adrenaline rush associated with busyness becomes addictive, despite its negative effects on our well-being.
- Rest is productive, and finding balance means embracing the value of downtime and self-care.
- High achievers, in particular, struggle with empty space, as they often tie their self-worth to their accomplishments.
- Breaking the habit of busyness requires challenging our beliefs and recognizing the importance of rest and rejuvenation.
Grab the free workbook Juggling All the Things as a High Achiever to learn how to prioritize better: https://katierossler.com/juggling-workbook
Listen to the guided meditation to help you feel more relaxed when you are stressed and overwhelmed: www.katierossler.com/meditation
Learn more about this episode at: www.katierossler.com/episode11
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Breaking the Habit of Busyness
Speaker 1Welcome to the Balance Code Podcast , a place where you have permission to step outside the hamster wheel of day-to-day life and learn tools to create more balance . My name is Katie Russell . I'm a licensed therapist and burnout and hidden grief specialist . I support ambitious , goal-driven people who are ready to get off the one-way train , to burnout and start to enjoy life again to the fullest . Oh and , by the way , I'm a mom of three , an ex-pat living in Germany who's still learning the language , and an entrepreneur Living my Balance Code is what keeps me able to work in incredible ways without burning out . So let's find your Balance Code .
Speaker 1Hey everyone , today we are talking about why it's hard to break the habit of busyness . So this idea came to my mind with shower thoughts . You know those thoughts you get when you're in the shower and you're like oh , you know , it's really hard for us to break the habit or addiction to being busy . And why is that ? And , of course , I started thinking about all the things and then I was like this is a really good podcast episode . Let me write that down after I get out of the shower . So here are my shower thoughts on why it's hard to break the habit of busyness . Now , first , what do I mean by this ? If you find yourself with an opening in your calendar right , somebody's canceled something . Or you look to the next week and you're like , wow , wednesday's wide open . Do you leave it open or do you start to fill it with I need to get all of these things done . Here's my to-do list for that day , or let me call so-and-so and see if they're available .
Speaker 1If you do , you might be addicted to busyness . It might be time for you to break up with busyness . Okay , let's be honest , most of us do this exactly Free time oh my gosh , I can finally get those things done , which typically , then , we don't even get those things done , but it still makes us feel good to know that there's that day that we're going to focus on those things . What sometimes ends up happening , though , is we get that day and we start the project , and we realize all we really want to do is rest and sit on the couch and do nothing , and then we start to do that with what I like to call busy work . That makes us seem like we're doing something , or our brains feel like we're productive , and then , at the end of the day , we go what did I do all day . I knew at some point I felt like I was doing something , but I don't feel like it shows anywhere around me .
Speaker 1So why is it hard to break the habit of busyness ? Well , being busy , having something to do , has two parts to it . So one we have the adrenaline rush . Right , we have the feeling of like now's the time to get it done . Okay , I've got this amount of time where I can get it done , so let me do it . And it creates the adrenaline push and rush to go , action , get it done . It becomes addictive . We like the feeling , whether we realize it or not . Now here's the thing . If we really calmed ourselves down and we sat and thought , do I like the feeling of the rush ? Do I like the go , go , go ? Do I like the pressure ? You would probably say no . It actually makes me feel really uncomfortable and sometimes it's hard to come off of that feeling . But there is a part of your brain that gets pleasure from it . So that's why it keeps happening .
Speaker 1How many of us , when we've got 20 minutes left before we need to be somewhere , instead of leaving early and getting there and relaxing , being on time , go ? I need to do that one thing before I go and you get on your computer or you go into that room where that project is you wanna finish , or you make that phone call and what you thought you could get done , and maybe 10 to 15 , maybe the 20 minutes and you would just walk right out . The door ends up taking longer , you lose track of time . Or you see the time and you panic and you yell at everybody around you that it's time to go and you cause yourself the stress I'm literally raising my hand right now . It is because we feel a sense of pressure and some of us respond best and get things done quicker when we have that pressure . Now , I didn't say we'll get things done in the amount of time that we think we can have . We'll get them done quicker . It just means we'll probably be late or yelling at everybody and rushing and frustrated at ourselves for not having better boundaries around our time .
Speaker 1So that's the piece that tells you yeah , I'm addicted to the adrenaline . The adrenaline is what gets things done . I'm so guilty of being the student at college who finished papers the night before really late . That was me poster child for procrastination and we all know , because we talked about this in the procrastination episode , that procrastination creates a sense of pressure and makes us get things done , but it also creates such an adrenaline rush and such a sense of pressure that eventually we don't enjoy it anymore . We don't like it . But it's such a habit that we are stuck . We feel like we can't break that habit , we can't break the addiction . So that's one part of it . The second part is we don't like having the space and the quiet time , because then we can think the thoughts we don't wanna have or we don't wanna face , feel the feelings that we don't wanna face , and we're left with a sense of emptiness that we don't like . So we fill it . We fill it with food , with drinks , with shopping , with busyness . We fill up the empty space .
Speaker 1It is extremely hard for high achievers and again , some of you have told me I don't really like the term high achiever , but as soon as I say , hey , do you like to be really good at the things you do ? Yes , do you kind of love it when , like you , get praised for things like oh , my God , that's amazing that you did this , or oh , that was awesome , yes , okay . Do you pride yourself in gold stars that you earn in life in a variety of ways . Yeah , okay , that's just being a high achiever . It's okay . You don't have to like the phrase . I know it comes with some baggage , but I've learned to accept it , I'm okay with it . I'm a high achiever , I know it . There are some areas of my life I'm not a high achiever in and many areas of my life that I am .
Speaker 1So , as high achievers , we struggle with space . It makes us feel unproductive , it makes us feel unworthy , it makes us feel unwanted , it makes us feel like we're doing something wrong . And I've seen this with people in my circle that as soon as they sit down even if it's for us to hang out at their home they're up again grabbing something , doing something . They have a hard time sitting and settling . It feels like failure , it feels like something is wrong and , without even consciously being aware of it , they get up and move and shift and start to do something to fulfill the brain's need of feeling accomplished . So when we get that space on our calendars , as much as we go , ah , and I think that sense of relief is actually our body , not our mind going , yes , though I will say there's probably the prefrontal cortex of our mind , which is the area that finishes growing in our mid kind of late 20s . That helps us to plan ahead , to prepare , to set forward thinking . I think that part of our brain is like , yay , you need a break , you need a pause . But then there's the caveman , primal part of us , that inner child who needs some healing and some calming down , that feels unsettled and so immediately thinks of all the things .
Speaker 1Can you look yourself in the mirror and say rest is productive and believe it ? I don't want you to say it to your best friend , because of course you would say it to him or her . I want you to say it to yourself . So take a moment , go find a mirror and say to yourself rest is productive . Can you believe that ? Or do you say it and you giggle inside or you go , you know whatever , or pipe dream , or like whatever voices come up , or sometimes not even voices that sound like , yeah , whatever . Can you say rest is productive and believe it ? If not , you probably have a habit or an addiction to busyness . You have a belief system around busyness that keeps you stuck in it , and we're here to look at ways to create better balance in your life and that right there , that belief system needs to go .
Speaker 1Being able to say to yourself rest is productive , and to know why , to know with every ounce of you why rest , relaxation , open space , being bored , having nothing on your plate is actually a good thing . Well , for me , that's when you've fully unplugged from the matrix . And what do I mean from that ? The matrix of I have to do , do , do I have to be , be , be , I must , I must , I must in order to exist , in order to be important , in order to be worthy , in order to matter . We have to let go of this feeling that busyness is about importance , it's about value , it's about being loved or wanted , it's about being something . No , we need the mindset of having less means more . Having less things on our to-do list , having less projects to be in charge of , having less roles , helps us to finally have greater balance in our lives .
Speaker 1And you might be thinking well , katie , I've just committed to too much . You have permission to uncommit yourself . You have permission to say I'm sorry , I thought I had the time , I thought I had the availability , I realized I might need to find my replacement , but I can't anymore . You have permission to do this . Now there are areas of your life and identities and roles . You can't do that in totally , but those are the glass balls we talked about in episode three , the things that we are juggling , that you can't let go of , those need you . It's all the other things , it's all the things that you've wrapped up important and who you are and the need to be loved in you might go . Well , I don't actively realize that's what I'm doing , of course not .
Speaker 1I had a client the other day say I don't think the way you talk about things . I don't think , while my worthiness is wrapped up in this and I said , of course you don't . I'm here as the lighthouse to shed light on hey , let's look at this area of your life and let's maybe look at it through this framework and see , does that ring true ? Is there a fear of failure here which is causing you to have stormy waters ? Is this about needing to be loved because of issues from your childhood or your past ? And as soon as I said , hey , it isn't how we think . It's not normal , it's okay . I just use this terminology because it helps us to go whoa , let me hit it the core instead of me kind of just listening to you and going . Well , it kind of sounds like this my methodology when I work with my clients has them using the terminology from day one , so that they start to identify things in their lives through a framework that helps them see what needs to be healed and what can be healed easily Once they let go of the belief systems they've held on to for so long .
Speaker 1So why is it hard to break the habit of busyness ? One , we're addicted to the adrenaline rush , we're addicted to the sense of pressure , we're addicted to that feeling of I can do it . I can do it in the short amount of time . Oh , all this busyness helps me feel so productive and we struggle with the empty space . And so being busy gives us a sense of value , gives us a sense of purpose , gives us a sense of identity , and it also protects us from having to think and feel the things that we're not ready to . But I'm gonna be honest you avoid healing it , so you don't have to feel it , but it's still impacting you . It's impacting you , it's impacting your relationships , it's impacting the work you do and deep down inside you know it . You just haven't been able to identify what it is , why you feel stuck , why you get stuck in the hamster wheel , why the busyness keeps happening and you can't allow empty space on your calendar , why some relationships continue to feel like a struggle when you see people around you having a lot of ease in those relationships . All of these things are signs . All of these things are how I work with my clients .
Speaker 1So is it hard for you to break the habit of busyness ? Well , the first question you need to go ask yourself in the mirror is do I believe that rest is productive ? And if you can say yes with every ounce of yourself , then as soon as you have that empty space in your calendar , block it and continue to repeat to yourself rest is productive . Rest is productive Because the more I rest , the more energy I have for things , the clearer mind I have , so I can think and get things done sharper than I did before . I'm not forgetting things , I'm not having foggy brain , I'm not feeling high levels of anxiety or overwhelm because my battery is full . I rested Okay , that's a good homework assignment for you . So go ask yourself then . Open up space on your calendar and let it stay open and see how you do .
Speaker 1Report back , let me know how you did so I can cheer you on as you find better balance in your life , and I wanna share with you guys today a review that the podcast received . What a gem again your podcast on procrastination , praise hands and red heart . Okay , I'm gonna go do the cleaning , winky face . Thank you so much , mariana , for your review of the podcast , and I'm so glad that it helped you go get some things done and push past procrastination , which was episode four of the podcast . I'll make sure to have that in the show notes for you to check out if you haven't listened to that one too .
Podcast Listener Engagement With Reviews
Speaker 1As always , I love seeing your reviews and hearing your feedback and even questions you have for me to answer on the podcast . So please , please , please , take a moment and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform , and here's to finding our balance code . Thank you so much for listening to today's episode . If you have a moment , please leave a rating or review so that others can find this podcast who are looking for support just like you . Let's connect on Instagram at katiewrestler or at balance code podcast , or check down in the show notes to find ways that we can work together and see other offerings that I have for you at this time and , as always , here's to finding our balance code .
