Stress vs Burnout

Speaker 1 0:02

Welcome to the Balance Code Podcast , a place where you have permission to step outside the hamster wheel of day-to-day life and learn tools to create more balance . My name is Katie Russell . I'm a licensed therapist and burnout and hidden grief specialist . I support ambitious , goal-driven people who are ready to get off the one-way train , to burnout and start to enjoy life again to the fullest . Oh and , by the way , I'm a mom of three , an ex-pat living in Germany who is still learning the language , and an entrepreneur Living . My Balance Code is what keeps me able to work in incredible ways without burning out . So let's find your Balance Code . We're going to be discussing what's the difference between being stressed out and burnout . We like to use these terms interchangeably and today I'm going to be clearing up how to use them correctly so that you know what it is you're actually going through . Recently , I asked you on Instagram what are the topics you would like to see me talk about on the Balance Code , and someone asked what is the difference between stressed out and burnout ? And I love this question because in our world , there become these buzz phrases to use , right Like the more awareness comes around mental health issues and emotional health issues , sometimes those phrases or words become the thing to say Like think about the phase we just went through in the last five years of people saying the word narcissism often oh , he's a narcissist , she's a narcissist , it's very narcissistic . Oh , I'm being narcissistic , right . That word became the buzz phrase to say for a while there , because there was more awareness around the term narcissism for a variety of reasons . I found this when I was in my early 20s , like ADD . That was a big thing . That was having more awareness around . People were understanding how it was an impacting people they were working with or people in school , and so it became the thing to be like oh , I've just got ADD brain . Oh , I must have ADD . Oh , my gosh , it's totally the ADD . Whether they were actually diagnosed or not , people were using this phrase . So this is happening with burnout too . We're using the phrase of oh my God , I'm just so burnt out and it's kind of watering down the actual experience of burnout . When we go through burnout , a real burnout , you actually need months to recover . It isn't something that is like a good night's sleep this weekend or a week or two vacation and then you bounce back no . So let's get clear on the difference .

Speaker 1 2:34

Let's start with stressed out . I love the book the Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown because she goes in and explains to us a variety of different emotions and emotional experiences we have throughout our lives in very realistic ways , like the analogy she gives . The story she tells helps you understand how this shows up in your life . It helps us put into context truly what it is like to have that emotion or emotional experience because , again , often we use this vocabulary incorrectly and then it makes it very difficult for us to explain what we actually mean . Okay , so when we looked at stressed or being stressed out and what Brene Brown says based on her research , her definition is when we evaluate environmental demand as beyond our ability to cope successfully , this includes elements of unpredictability , uncontrollability and feeling overloaded . So this is like looking at your to-do list and being like I don't have enough time , I don't have enough help , I don't have enough resources . Our emotional response of being stressed out is connected to what our mind tells us I don't have enough , I can't , this is too much . This is why I talk about on this podcast , about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable , because what we're doing is allowing our brains to understand we can handle stress .

Speaker 1 3:58

I believe we have lost a lot of our resilient nature through the process of instant gratification and not challenging ourselves in everyday situations and healthy ways . I'm not saying like dig deep , dig deep , keep going , keep going . I know you all who are listening tend to be high achievers and go-getters , so it does feel a little bit like well , are you asking me to push myself even more ? No , but I am asking you to challenge yourself in those times where it feels like I don't want to . I always think of a pissed off teenager when I say that I don't want to . Why I don't want to do that ?

Speaker 1 4:35

So I've used the example before of taking cold showers or even shifting your shower at the end towards being a little bit colder . Maybe it's lukewarm for a while and then you shift it colder to allow your mind to know you can handle it . There's nothing wrong . This is not bad stress . You don't need the hot water or the warm water . You actually can handle the cold water and then fact it's invigorating and it actually helps you mentally and emotionally , physically . But we'll save that for another day when we experience stress . It is about the mental understanding of our reality , how we explain to ourselves what's going on . There's just too much , I don't have enough , like it's the absolutes , and that adds to us feeling stressed out . This is why you see people handle situations differently . You see some who are able to stay very calm in a stressful situation and you see some who , like , completely struggle .

Speaker 1 5:34

The other day I met with two other entrepreneurs and they didn't know I have kids and we were talking about life and we're talking about the topic of burnout and Work-life balance , and one of them said to me optimally , how many hours a week would you like to work right now ? And I said , oh well , that's easy . Like between 20 and 24 . And he was like , oh okay . And the guy next to me who loves his job and the work that he does as an entrepreneur was like I love my job , so I would say like 40 to 50 . I love it . Everything I do excites me and I go well , hold on , I love what I do too .

Speaker 1 6:09

I just have three kids , so I have to be realistic about my energy and the battery within me of what I can do and what I can't . And I swear I got the look of being a unicorn . Both entrepreneurs said you seem so calm . You seem like you have it all together . You've got three kids , so there was this assumption that when you have three kids , that you looked stressed out and overwhelmed and that you're not able to balance things and take care of your work and Be able to speak on a stage and write books . There are assumptions around what that means and for some who are a parent of three , it is a stress overload , it is too much and , honestly , as we talk about burnout , it is the root cause of burnout . I have worked very hard to build my resilience and my ability to understand what is stressful and what is not and choose my battles . I've had to work really hard , guys . So , yes , I might look like I'm a unicorn , but it's just all the work I've put in the past several years To being able to be more balanced , and I still have times where I freak out and I'm stressed out and completely Overwhelmed and just completely frozen . So it's not like I'm immune to this . For all those out there who tend to compare themselves To how other people are doing , don't because you probably are only seeing one snapshot of the situation and they might have a different temperament than you , a different level of resilience than you doesn't mean that they're better and you're worse . It's just how it is . So enough about that , let's get on to what does it mean to go through burnout ?

Understanding the Three Areas of Burnout

Speaker 1 7:43

Okay , when we look at Maslach's burnout inventory , we have three clear areas that show up and that create the perfect storm . First is exhaustion . Not just Again . I can sleep through the weekend and then I'll be better . It's utter and total exhaustion Emotionally , mentally and physically . I've had clients in burnout say it feels like a major depression . I'm exhausted , I don't want to get out of bed . I don't see the reason to get out of bed . But I know I'm not really actually depressed . I realize I'm burnout .

Speaker 1 8:16

What ends up happening over time is because we're so mentally and emotionally Exhausted because of the amount of workload we have , the amount of stress on our shoulders , the amount of things and build up over time that we have not been able to release . We physically feel exhausted We've all had that situation where we barely had any physical activity that day but physically feel exhausted because mentally and emotionally we are drained . So the mind-body connection is very real . Then the second area that gets impacted is our productivity and as high achievers it sucks . We know that we could do better . We know that we can move faster , be sharper , think clearer , but because we're exhausted , because we are just really hitting that point where we're in stress , overload , fight or flight constantly , our bodies are not able to bounce back and recover . Our mind isn't able to have those pauses and breaks , we start to perform poorly in any area of our life .

Speaker 1 9:13

Usually burnout is connected to the workplace , but we're seeing this impact people in all of the areas of their lives . I rarely find a client who is experiencing burnout at work and not impacting the rest of their lives . So I believe it's all connected . I don't think you can just put it in a box that it's only at work it's happening like this and only at home it's happening like this . They are very interconnected . So our productivity starts to decrease and because we know it , we're very aware of it , we know we're not performing at our best . It is so discouraging and some of us will push harder and dig deeper and exhaust ourselves more , thinking if I can just get through this last project , if I can just do this one thing , if I just make it through this year , it will get better . But it doesn't and we keep pushing where there's no energy to pull from anymore . We dig deeper , dig deeper , dig deeper until we hit metal and that ground cannot go any further down . And we shouldn't have even dug deeper , we've exhausted all our resources .

Speaker 1 10:15

And then the third area is we start to develop a detachment and a cynicism . I see this in my clients , I see this in myself in the past when I've experienced burnout , like it's the negativity , it is the I don't care , whatever I turned it in , it's done . We're no longer even proud of the work that we're doing , we're just happy that it's over . And that isn't our normal nature . For some of us , like , yeah , I did a great job , I feel good and very positive about it , but it's the I don't care anymore , whatever . Do what you want , do what you need to . You do you is what we say in our house . You do you . And that cynicism about life , about work , about your relationship , about whatever it might be . And again this all goes back to it's not your true nature to be this way , but you're finding it happen regularly .

Speaker 1 11:06

So we have exhaustion , decreased productivity and then we get into the like I don't even care , I've shut down , turned off whatever . And this is where poor decisions start to be made right . This is where we can sometimes make unethical decisions . At work . We can get in trouble . We can get so sloppy and so detached that we're like , whatever , fire me , when our desire isn't to be fired , we're just so over it .

Speaker 1 11:32

So , as you see , burnout is not stressed out . Stressed out is more temporary . Burnout is a slow burn . It takes time and the more the burn happens , the more we don't do anything to recover and to stop pushing harder and to stop doing more , the more we continue to juggle , like we talked about in episode three , like all the balls are glass . Only we can do it and they're all important , except for ourselves . So now we get to be the rubber ball , which is not true . The more we do that , the more we find ourselves moving faster and faster to burnout . I can already feel it .

Speaker 1 12:10

This is gonna develop into a series where we talk about what are the things that create those burnouts , what are the things that actually emotionally , mentally , exhaust us , what are the things that lead us to struggle with memory and productivity ? But this is a good starting point . Are we even using the terminology correctly ? So , when you say I'm just burnt out , really evaluate in those three areas is that it's like the perfect storm happening and I'm really struggling and it wouldn't take a week or two vacation for me to bounce back and to feel like my true self in a sense . Or am I stressed out and my mind is saying there's just too much ? I can't do this and maybe you still do need to look at what you're juggling . I'll make sure the workbook is below that helps you to assess what am I juggling ? That's too much ? How do I prioritize ? Because when we're juggling all the things , it will that stressed out feeling will , over time , create a feeling of burnout . So make sure you check the show notes for that workbook , but use the terminology correctly .

Speaker 1 13:10

Okay , here's the biggest reason why we need to use the terminology correctly . If I focus in my life on everything that's negative , if I constantly am looking at negative , negative , negative , negative , all that didn't work , this didn't work out , this didn't happen the way I want it to , oh look , you said this thing and I didn't like it I will over time tell my brain that's all I want to see . So if I am constantly saying to myself I'm so burnout , I'm so burnout , oh my God , I'm so burnout , it's just too much , I'm burnout . And we're not actually meaning that we're burnout or meaning we're stressed out or overwhelmed . We are creating the fertile environment for that perfect storm to happen , where we will go towards burnout , because we are creating that mentality of I'm on my way . I'm going that way . I'm telling myself I'm already there , so I'm going to create the situation in which I am . That's just the truth . This is how our brains work . We love to create the reality that we speak into existence .

Speaker 1 14:04

And if you go , well , katie , I've been saying I want to have a million dollars for years now . It's not happening . That goes back to last week's episode where we talked about why do goals end in burnout ? And the third one was because often your goals don't align with who you are , so you can't tell me oh well , I've been saying it forever and it's not happening . You said my brain likes to make that happen . No , but your release system is I can't really handle million dollars , or people who are rich are negative and mean or a certain way , and I don't want to be like them . Or it's easier and safer for me to not have that money . Our belief systems around it . But it's very easy to have a belief system around I have too much on my plate and I want to do less . Right , like that's an easy one for all of us to say . So our brains will go okay .

Speaker 1 14:49

Yes , I'll continue to show you all the things that are stressing you out , all the things that are not working , all the areas where you're failing , so that it just feels amplified . So take a moment , reflect . Are you using the words stressed out and burned out interchangeably incorrectly , and what are ways you can start to shift that ? What are ways you can start to challenge your brain when you feel stressed out , to go okay , let me take some deep breaths . Let me look at how I'm prioritizing things . What can I take off my plate ? Can I actually handle this today and what can I say no to ? And if I do feel myself going towards brain ? Yes , katie , I see all three areas are coming together . It's happening . I can feel the perfect storm . Then reach out to me , send me an email at katie , at katie wrestlercom . You can look down the show notes below for links as well to connect .

Speaker 1 15:39

Let's talk . You don't have to keep on that way . The art steps you can take right now to improve it so that you're not in the point where it's taking six months to a year to recover from what you're doing to yourself and I know that's a hard pill to swallow . No , my life is just stressful . I'm not doing this to me . I know We'll save that for another episode too . Anyways , reach out , let's chat . Grab the workbook and the show notes , use it today , figure out what are the areas you can start to shift , find better priorities and use the terminology correctly so that you're not setting yourself up for that perfect storm If you haven't actually hit burnout .

Speaker 1 16:18

Burnout is not fun . It's not something we need to use flippantly . It's not like hey , look at me , I'm burnout , I'm so successful , I'm so important , I've got so much on my plate . It's not a cool club to be a part of . I'm going to be honest , it really isn't . And the next time you hear your friend talk about being burnout , be like okay , let's talk about the three areas of burnout and let's really assess if this is you , you don't have to do that . But I think it's good we start to educate the people around us what burnout really is and what stress doubt is , so that we use the terminology right and stop falling into the buzz phrase or buzzword of the season to use and start being more honest with ourselves , and thank you for this question . If you've got questions you'd like me to address here on the podcast , please let me know .

Speaker 1 17:01

I want to share with you a wonderful review we received recently for the podcast , so can't wait for more five stars .

Find Balance, Be Our Best Selves

Speaker 1 17:08

Katie gives great examples that can relate to many different people about how we achieve our best selves through setting meaningful boundaries , communicating needs with loved ones and improving our confidence in not settling .

Speaker 1 17:20

There is no true balance , but what works for us is important to learn . Listen to episode three , which I brought up today . Episode three is a really powerful episode . Thank you so much to sticky 438 for sharing that review , and if you enjoyed today's episode , I would love for you to go on your favorite podcast platform and leave a review as well . Go , take some time for you today , decrease your stress , sit with yourself and recognize whether it's stress , doubt or burnout , and here's to finding our balance code . Thank you so much for listening to today's episode . If you have a moment , please leave a rating or review so that others can find this podcast who are looking for support , just like you . Let's connect on Instagram , at katiewrestler or at balance code podcast , or check down in the show notes to find ways that we can work together and see other offerings that I have for you at this time and , as always , here's to finding our balance code .