Understanding How Goals Lead to Burnout

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Welcome to the Balance Code Podcast , a place where you have permission to step outside the hamster wheel of day-to-day life and learn tools to create more balance . My name is Katie Russell . I'm a licensed therapist and burnout and hidden grief specialist . I support ambitious , goal-driven people who are ready to get off the one-way train to burnout and start to enjoy life again to the fullest . Oh and , by the way , I'm a mom of three , an ex-pat living in Germany who's still learning the language , and an entrepreneur Living my Balance Code is what keeps me able to work in incredible ways without burning out . So let's find your Balance Code . Hey everyone , let's talk today about why goals end in burnout .

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Burnout is a buzzword . It's a hot topic . It is showing up in all different places right now and we're realizing it's not just about the workplace . I spoke at it at the 15 Seconds Festival , in both my keynote and my workshop , and it is something I'm noticing that even the younger generations coming up into the work world or who are studying right now are worried about . It is on their radar and many of them don't feel equipped for what to do to prevent burnout , or some of them who've already really hit actual burnout are going . I don't want to go back . So what do I do ?

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Let's talk about three reasons . Goals end up in burnout . Okay , so reason number one is we create goals from a place of wanting to avoid a feeling of pain or scarcity or even abandonment . Now that sounds like a psychologist answer to this . Let me explain what I mean . Even our goals come from the things we saw modeled for us in our childhood right , or things in our neighborhood , in our community , the norms or what was not the norm , and we were soaking up all that information like sponges . We were learning what is good , what is bad , what is right , what is wrong , whether we logically agree with it right now or not , we were when it formed our belief systems about the world , about ourselves and how we should be in the world . So if we saw our parents or grandparents , or any family member for that matter , who had an influence on us , struggle and suffer around money , then we probably have a goal that makes sure we don't ever have that experience . We never want to experience that scarcity , that pressure , that tension , the fighting that happens in relationships because of money , the manipulation that can happen because of money . We don't want that . So instead of I want to reach this financial goal because it's important to me and I'm excited by it . It really comes from a place of . I want to reach this financial goal because I don't ever want to be like them . I don't ever want to feel this .

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Another point of view is that belief that we will be abandoned , we will be alone , we won't be wanted or desired as a person if we are not able to reach these goals . If I have this goal , then people will love me . If I'm able to obtain this goal , then my marriage will flourish because I will finally be this person to them . I will finally have achieved this thing . And again , it's usually because we saw something in our childhood or we experienced abandonment , we experienced bullying , we experienced being the outsider and we never want to feel that again . So we believe that our goals will fulfill that need to never have that experience again . Does that mean the goal itself is wrong ? No , just like the financial goal doesn't necessarily need to change , but the drivers behind it .

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Because when we come from a place of fear of experiencing something again or for the first time , when we don't want to have that scarcity , that abandonment , when there is a need to avoid something , then what will motivate us is fear , and that gets really unhealthy . We're willing to cross a lot of boundaries to avoid fear . That's where we start to lead ourselves towards burnout , because then we're willing to work overtime , push ourselves , dig deep Because , oh my gosh , I can feel it . I can feel the bills stacking up , I can feel that there's more , I don't have enough money in my bank , or I can feel it . I feel like nobody wants to be around me , there's something wrong with me , they don't like me , and as soon as we start to feel those things , we start to work even harder , but in unhealthy ways .

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So when we create goals out of a fear or to avoid , they will very often end up in burnout . Or we'll hit a point where we reach them and realize they don't make us feel good , they didn't give us what we wanted , they don't make us feel whole or accepted or whatever it is we were trying to experience . We realize there's more stress and more problems once we reach that goal , versus a feeling of ha , I'll never have to be like them . The next one is that we create goals that we're conditioned to believe . Okay , so if you are an entrepreneur and you're in the online space , then you know there's a lot of messages sent to us on a regular basis of what our business should look like , how much income should be coming in for less amount of work . We are often pitched at about raising our prices and not so much about the integrity of the work we're doing . Raise those prices . Show the value through testimonials . Make sure that they know that they have to have it . Give them scarcity . You know there's all these manipulative tactics that are used because , yes , psychology , our brains , really do respond really well to those things when it comes to marketing .

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But when we go back to why do we have the goal of having a six-figure business or a seven-figure business ? Why do we have the goal of speaking on a certain amount of stages , writing a certain amount of books , why ? And if your why is because , well , I've been told that's what I'm supposed to do , then there's the problem . Now most of us won't realize that's what's going on . But the other day I thought about my financial goal for this year and I was like why ? Why do I have this goal ? Is it too low ? Is it too high ? Is it too much ? Am I playing small , like why ? And if we don't ask ourselves why ? About our goals ? On a regular basis , we will fall victim to the conditioning we've received . Why do you have that goal to lose that weight ? Why do you have that goal to have this particular relationship ? Why do you have the goal to be a certain place in your business ? Why do you have a certain health goal ? And notice if your answers sound like the Instagram graphics you've been reading or the reels you've been watching . Notice if your answers come from magazines you read growing up or the messages that you were told from family members or your teachers or your coaches or your first bosses . Notice , notice your why , understand your , why .

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I remember listening to one of my favorite speakers , kerwin Bray , and he said you know there's this big push about make this amount of money in your business and you gotta do this and this is what success looks like . And he said how many of you are actually sitting down and going financially ? How much do I need to live the life I want ? That is your financial goal , not what you're being told you should want or how it should look . And I always laugh when these larger influencers in the entrepreneur world are finally honest . Well , it seems like they're being honest with how much they're making and how much they're spending . And you see , yes , great , your company , you know , has six figures coming in , but then you're spending it on marketing , on your employees , on this that you know , and whatever travel , and you're only taking home this amount .

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The conditioning we often receive is based from one small perspective , and then we create our goals around that . That's what gets me . We create our goals around that . So ask yourself , why write down your goals ? I mean , just pick one right now . What is one major goal you have in your life ? Maybe it's around family , maybe it's around your career , maybe it is around your health or finances , and ask yourself why do I have that goal ? And that will help you back with that first problem too .

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But if you are doing it because you've been told this is how it's supposed to be , this is what success looks like , it will end and burn out because you are driven by a goal that is not even yours , that you've been fed and told this is what you should believe . I mean , how many of us grew up watching Disney movies and believing that that's what a real relationship looks like ? I will be rescued , he will take care of me , but I will also be strong and confident and he will need me at times too , and he will love me unconditionally and take care of me the rest of my life . You might be laughing right now , but I bet you have some deep-seated belief systems around the Disney characters you used to watch and what their relationships look like we all do if we grew up with the Disney princesses era of . Here's what it looks like to be rescued . Here's what it looks like to be strong but also completely give yourself to someone else . We are conditioned . Whether we desire to be or not , we are Okay .

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The third reason why our goals end and burn out is because they don't align with how we see ourselves . Now , at the 15 Seconds Festival , I did a workshop literally on this why Goals and Then Burn Out ? I was in a group in the very beginning why and had about 30 people in the attendance and they were able to share a lot of reasons they're seeing this happen . Their answers were about things like sometimes my goals are too much , that they don't always take into factor other life circumstances or wait , I don't have that education yet to even go there like my first step should be this versus a goal that's so high they start to seem unrealistic and someone shared . Sometimes our goals aren't really about us . They don't really align with who we are . They're what we think other people want for us , or back again to what we've been conditioned to believe and they're not really aligning with who we are . And I challenged that person to take it a step further , because it's not just even about because of what we think others might want for us . It's about the belief systems we have around that

Aligning Goals, Identity, Finding Ease

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person .

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Who has that success ? If you are like , I've been waiting for my dream home to come . I know what it looks like , I know what it feels like that , katie , I can taste it , I can smell it , I can tell you every inch of it what it looks like . But then I say to you okay , who is the person in that home ? What did they look like ? How are they acting ? Who are they ? And you start to describe that person . And then I go and how are you like them ? And you're like I'm like the total opposite and your brain isn't going to align that you are the one that's set for that goal .

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I know that sounds a little bit woo , but psychologically , truly , we will self-sabotage when we don't believe that we align with what it is that we're seeking out and our imposter syndrome , like I talked about last week , or our fears or those false beliefs about our identity , take over and we will self-sabotage . So we get in our own way by creating goals that we , in the back of our minds , subconsciously , unconsciously name it how you want don't actually believe that we can achieve and we push ourselves and we push ourselves and it makes it very easy to give excuses why they don't work out . Well , the market's really bad , the house is just not on there . We've looked at everything , and not that those things are wrong , and not that you are creating that in your environment . But it is funny , the moment we shift into really feeling and being that person inside that house , that all of a sudden the house shows up .

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I've worked with so many clients where this has worked out . I'm really afraid of this and I don't know and I don't think I'm good enough for this . And as soon as we clear and heal that , wow and when I talk about healing I don't mean we erase it a lot of people think like and then it's never there . No , they're aware that the false belief is still there and they know where it came from in childhood . But they know how to work with it . Finally , and they know how to not make it true . They know how to not be scared of it , and so when they start to have their doubts , they do the regulation techniques . I teach them around their nervous system and staying calm and going no , I Am the person who's in that house , I am the person who earns that amount of money .

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Do your goals align with how you see yourself ? Because if not , they will end and burn out and also self sabotage . Okay , this was a lot to cover in the small amount of time , but these three reasons are what I'm seeing for all my clients and even myself . At times when I'm not reaching a goal , they're not reaching a goal . When we start to look at it from the framework of these three areas , something sticks out and we're like ah , there , it is . Okay , this is what we need to heal . This is what we need to learn how to work with . This is what we need to learn how to regulate within ourselves , because then the goal becomes a reality . Sometimes it means rewriting the goal and sometimes it means changing the Motivator underneath the goal so that it comes with more ease and relaxation .

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One of the women in the workshop , when I led the group in a guided meditation About who their future self was and what that beat yourself , said that they just need more of in their lives so that they can reach the goals they have . She came up to me and she said , with a lot of emotion my word it wasn't even things I need to do , it was Ease . My word was ease . And if I felt a sense of ease , I want that and I was like , yes , I want that too .

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So often reaching our goals isn't about work harder , dig deeper , be more , more , more , avoid the pain . Never experience this again . Do what everybody's telling me I'm supposed to do or attempt to reach a goal I never will get to reach because it doesn't align with who I am . No , the end result is a desire for ease and flow and when we create goals like that and we get out of the way Pretty powerful . So go have some

Adjusting Goals for Better Balance

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fun .

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Look at your goals kind of play consultant of your goals what , what's working for you , what isn't , and which goals are in one of these three categories or multiple that it's time for you to adjust and Change and shift so you can actually start moving towards reaching them instead of moving towards burnout . After all , when we hit burnout , we are completely imbalanced in our life . It is like the opposite of us finding our balance code . So go , adjust your goals . Look at the motivators and I know you'll start to see better balance , even in how you Create your goals and how you work towards them with ease and flow . Here's to finding our balance code .

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Thank you so much for listening to today's episode . If you have a moment , please leave a rating or review so that others can find this podcast who are looking for support , just like you . Let's connect on Instagram at katie dot wrestler or at Balance code podcast , or check down in the show notes to find ways that we can work together and see other offerings that I have for you At this time and as always , here's to finding our balance code . I .